To Help Yourself When You Are Grieving

Don’t try to be brave or strong if you don’t feel that way.

Accept your feelings and find a safe place to express them. Talk to someone you trust who listens without trying to “fix” you.

If you can, cry when and where you need to and don’t worry about what other people think.

Set aside a regular time for grieving: reading, remembering, writing ( a journal, poetry, songs, stories), looking at pictures, reviewing the day, drawing or painting.

Eat healthy food. Emotions are affected by physical health.

Avoid drugs and alcohol. They can prolong and complicate grief.

Keep a regular schedule, including exercise. Use an agenda or make lists to help you remember what you are supposed to be doing and where you are supposed to be.

Rest as much as you need to - grief is exhausting. Eliminate any activity you or others think you “should” do if it is not essential and you don’t have enough energy. Short naps may help.

Avoid people or places that are irritating.

Avoid making major life decisions (eg. moving, changing schools or jobs). Small changes in furniture or your routine may help you cope better.

Seek healing help – massage, counselling, a support group.

Find a constructive way to deal with any anger – exercise, writing, sports, fighting for a positive change in the world. Find a safe way to release anger and express yourself without hurting yourself or others.

Write a good-bye letter or prepare some other meaningful ritual.

Make a memory book with favourite pictures.

Make a memory box with objects that belonged to or remind you of the deceased.

Try to resume meaningful activities or those that bring you pleasure.

Accept that people will say incredibly hurtful and insensitive things. They probably are uncomfortable and don’t know what to say.

Give yourself permission to have “rough times” on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries or for no particular reason. Prepare a remembrance ritual if you wish.

Learn how to forgive yourself and others. You probably did the best you could at the time with the knowledge and information that you had.