Am I Ready for a Sexual Relationship?

The media portrays sexual relationships, particularly among teens, as common, value neutral and consequence free.  Sex education in schools tells you to only have sex "when you are ready" and then have "safe sex" - meaning protect yourself from pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections (STIs).  There is much more at stake than physical safety.  Sex has immediate and long-term consequences emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, socially, economically, practically, and spiritually.  Here are some questions that might help a teen or an adult to make a healthy decision about sexual activity.

1) Is this someone that is sincere in their relationship with me, a person I love, trust and respect and who respects my decision whether to be sexually active or not?  Do we share the 4 kinds of love: eros, philos, caritas and agape?

2) Do I trust this person with my life: with all of my mind, heart, soul and spirit?

3) Am I feeling pressured to be sexually active to maintain this relationship, or to be closer to my partner, or because “everyone else is doing it”?  

4) Is this the right time in my life to be sexually active?  Am I fully prepared for the physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and economic consequences of sexual activity?

5) How will I feel if this relationship breaks up?  Can I handle gossip, loss of reputation, possible loss of my own sense of self-worth?

6)  Does my desire to be sexually active dishonour the other person in any way?  Am I asking or expecting them to compromise their beliefs and values?  Have I considered the effect on their reputation or future?  Am I capable of not talking about our private activity with others.

7) Do I know the sexual history of my partner?  Does their past activity worry or upset me?  If they have been sexually active previously, have they been tested for STDs and HIV/AIDS, have the tests been clear, and have you seen the results on paper or been with your partner at the doctor's office?

8) Is my partner going to be having sex with me exclusively?  If not, this is a high risk situation, physically and emotionally. Why would I do this?

9) Have I discussed with my partner methods of birth control and decided which we will use?  Have I discussed this with my doctor and am I fully informed?

10) Am I able to discuss with my partner what will happen if a pregnancy occurs and do we agree about the outcome?  Am I ready to be a parent?

11) If a pregnancy occurs, and my partner would want me to have an abortion, am I ready for that experience, the physical risks, the psychological and spiritual consequences, and any long-term effects?

12) If a pregnancy occurs, am I prepared to birth a child and give it up for adoption?  How might that affect me in the future?

13) If a pregnancy occurs and you plan to keep the child, can both parents work together harmoniously to parent this child for the next 20 years?

14) Am I financially independent of my parents and economically capable of supporting a child for 20 years?  If you father a child, planned or unplanned, you are legally responsible to pay child support until the child is 19 or has completed university.

15) Do I feel completely comfortable with my body, my partner, my choices and this relationship?  Do my family and friends know and approve or would I be embarrassed if they found out?

16) Can I have sex without being drunk or stoned?