Jan Bryant
   LLB, MEd (Counselling Psych.), CCC
Counsellor & Educator
 

FACTORS AFFECTING THE LENGTH AND POWER OF THE GRIEF JOURNEY

Grief is a journey that takes time: weeks, months, possibly years. Responses to grief will be different for each person and for each loss that person experiences. Each person needs support and understanding to grieve in the ways that are most appropriate for them at that particular time.

The length or power of the grief journey can be affected by:

  1.  age of the grieving person.
  2.  previous relationship with the deceased. Was it particularly close, or was it a negative relationship? Was there “unfinished business” or a chance to say goodbye?
  3.  whether the death was sudden or anticipated. Sudden death may extend the grieving period, especially if the death was random, violent, or seen as preventable. An anticipated death may be difficult as well if people did not get or take the chance to say what they wanted to say.
  4.  the circumstances of the death, including whether the survivor was present or how the survivor was told.
  5. other circumstances in the survivor’s life, such as moving, divorce, job or school change, other deaths or losses, other personal stressors.
  6. survivor’s previous experience with death and loss.  Sometimes a new loss can bring up thoughts or feelings connected with previous losses.
  7.  availability of support from family, friends and community.
  8.  the deceased’s views about life and death and any instruction left. If a dying person said: “Don’t bother having a funeral, It’s too much trouble,” or “Don’t cry at my funeral,” it may cause problems for the bereaved family. If the dying person has shared their philosophy of life and what they expect will happen after death, it may be helpful.
  9.  survivor’s personality and philosophy about life and death.
  10.  survivor’s personal expectations of the grieving process. If they expect to be “over it” in two weeks, they may be unprepared for a different experience.
  11.  whether the type or timing of the death challenges previously held beliefs about the world.

Jan Bryant 604-988-6164 Copyright 2004. No reproduction without permission.